These past few weeks as i have begun this project and a few others, I have begun to feel overwhelmed with joy, angst, sadness and a few other things. I have begun to bring life and consciousness to that feeling inside that feels the most authentic to me. I have begun to given myself the permission to truly be free. I do not believe we are truly free until we have publicly pursued our passions without a care in the world. Publicly pursuing the things you love is the strongest form of self care to exist. Releasing the views and opinions of others liberates you in a way that nothing else can. Until you have done this, you are likely to be living from a looking glass. Watching others who live in the way you would like to, yet obediently staying in your box of expectations. Expectations that are usually placed on us by others. You must decide that you don’t care what others think of you and i dont believe that this can be done lightly. I believe that this must be a complete redirection of vision, a commitment to see yourself from the inside out, not the other way around.
when we feel any type of emotion, we create something. If we feel angry we can possibly create chaos, if we feel sad we may create gloom. We can also create art. Turn our emotions into larger than life abstractions, in an ode to mirror our true selves: larger than life.
Fire is healing. The earth provides us with all that we need to heal, her elements are our elements. we are one. fire burns, disintegrates. leaves nothing but ashes in its path. set aflame all the things that live within you that you no longer want in your home. remember, you can not set another’s house on fire. you cannot control what goes on outside of your home. you can not control the flames that rage outside, only those that rage within. focus. control. release.
allow yourself to use this as inspiration to sit in silence with a candle, or by a fire. focus on the flames, feel the heat. set your intention, then watch it burn.
fire has been used as a method to cleanse the air and as a method of worship for…well, probably for as long as the earth has been the earth. “WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE!” 🎶 it was one of the first tools that we discovered as a species, it is what allows us to cook our food, to feel heat, to drive cars to experience electricity. fire is electric. it can be devastating, like the fires that rage in california or the MAN MADE fires that burn down our forests.
regardless, fire is one of the most powerful elements and tools that we have on this earth. candles are one of my favorite things in the world. because through the fire we can experience aromatherapy and connect deeper to self. i invite you all to find a little fire in your life, be it literal or figurative. allow the fire to light your passions, burn away all things no longer meant for you. allow the fire to burn the paths that you should not take and leave a trail of ashes leading you towards home. i love you.
When a woman is rejected for being too much, scary, intimidating…what’s she to do?
It seems across cultures, women are silenced, pushed away, indoctrinated to believe and defend our own suppression. It is difficult to live an authentic, fearless life and also want to fulfill this innate human need to be understood and accepted. It is flabbergasting to say but the louder, bolder, more loving, honest, real, independent a woman is- the more likely she is to experience the “last pick for the dodgeball team” effect. Low hanging fruit seems to be what society coddles and craves. Authentic, strong people are respected and wanted but I can’t say that they’re sought after (as much as they should be) in personal relationships. I believe this is due to the fact that most of us who have been present in this society at all have, to an extent, been brainwashed into walking in a straight line and bending over backwards to fit in. So, by default, we don’t crave and cherish the different, unknown- we run from it.
Ok, let’s do a quick transition solely women- in general, people who are different (true to themselves, not the outside world) are pushed away from so many different sectors of society. So many boxes, molds, rules- what do we do when we don’t want to fit into anything? It becomes necessary for a human who longs to show up in the world as the most authentic version of themselves to also develop an impenetrable amount of self knowledge, confidence and love. For the human who does not know themself is subject to being molded by everyone and everything else.
Now, back to women. This experience that I speak of is obviously biased in a sense because it comes from my point of view. However, I see it happen all the time- to me and to other women. In dating, men won’t come close because they are afraid of what will come next when you get involved with a soulful, deep, empathic woman. So women drain themselves and tune in to the outside world as opposed to the inside. We become “yes-women”, robots of desire, submissives to the will of man. To that, I have two words: FUCK THAT. It takes COURAGE to show up in the world as who you are meant to be, but mostly it takes TRUST. Trust that in being your most authentic self, regardless of the opinions/thoughts of others, will bring you the abundance and prosperity we all SO RIGHTFULLY deserve. Every single one of us, simply for existing, has the RIGHT to creative ownership over their life, person and soul. Thankfully, trust and courage are skills that we can all hone and cultivate.
Final thoughts: My fellow wild women, soulful, fearless, courageous, divine feminine women with wells of endless love: Do not be afraid of being “too much”, because why would you want to be less? Do not be afraid of being “loud” “bossy” “too secure” “confident” “miss independent” because these are all words put into a negative context to try and make you feel like you shouldn’t want to be them. Be loud! Take up space! Be big! Be bold! BE A BOSS, NO NOT A “GIRL BOSS” OR “LADY BOSS”, A BOSS!!!! Be secure! Be confident! Let them call you miss independent in a mocking tone and know that …Patrick, their insecurity is showing 😜
DO NOT SHRINK FOR ANYONE. ACCEPT YOURSELF, BE YOURSELF. THEY WILL ADJUST.
there’s so many fish in the sea…so why would anyone ever choose me?
one fish, two fish
red fish, blue fish
fish, fish, fish
fish, fish, fish
when you go to a seafood restaurant, do you order a hamburger? at steak and shake, do you get chicken? sometimes i feel like i am the thing that no one came for, and they’ll entertain the thought, “hmm, this steak house has chicken too” but mostly they’ll go with the steak. don’t get me wrong, if they choose the steak (them) over the chicken (me) then they’re missing out on the juiciest most amazingest chicken ever, not to mention i get to live as a whole chicken another day. but when i undergo the seemingly endless moments of being overlooked, never committed to, always underestimated, second choice or not on the menu at all…it’s not the best feeling. sometimes it feels bottomless, especially when it’s consistent and it feels like just for a moment, one little moment, their eyes lingered on the chicken a little longer but the steak was too tempting.
what does a strong, independent woman gotta do to get some loyalty!! some reciprocity!
let’s take this subject specifically to men and women (just indulge me ok). why is it that a man asks a woman for SO much, whenever he wants and seemingly expects the woman to abide? why do women (9 times out of 10) abide?!?! WHY is it that when a woman asks a man for the same in exchange, it’s never granted?!?!? i’m endlessly loyal, ride or die af but really that expression just doesn’t encompass most of the interactions of our time because women are doin the driving!!! we ain’t riding anywhere! we either driving or dying because damn sure no one is gonna take us anywhere and no one is gonna save us…especially not..*drum roll please* A MAN. i’m sorry, a MODERN STR8 MAN. listen guys, i really don’t wanna be that “every guy this” person but………
men think women are so complicated. but are we? no. we just pickup on all of your non-verbal cues and are confused and sad af all the time because no one ever taught us to be vocal about what we want/feel/think so we don’t know how to act. if you, (the man) were to be a more responsible human and create space to ask questions and voice feelings instead of taking advantage of a woman’s instinct to conform, then we (the women) would PROBBBAAABBBLLYYY not be so scared to voice ourselves. NOW, that being said, women: SAY WHAT YOU WANT/THINK/FEEL ALWAYS!!!!!! REGARDLESS OF WHAT “HE” OR “THEY” THINK!!!! FUCK EM!!!
so this started off as a sad piece but now i feel empowered. women have been silenced for far too long. so what if a man doesn’t show reciporocity, FUCK EM. so what if a man thinks you have too many feelings BETTER THAN NOT BEING ABLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE I HAVE THEM 😛 ! so what if you’re judged IDC BC I LOVE ME AND I’M GR8 AND I AM THE JUICIEST PIECE OF CHICKEN EVER SO IF U WANNA CHOOSE SOMETHING OVER ME BYYYYEEEEE, DON’T WATCH ME LEAVE.
if someone isn’t making you a priority, if you feel sad more than anything else, if you question yourself way too much because of a person, go into yourself and find the wisdom to walk away.if you’re having trouble with this (don’t worry we all do), get into a quite space, close your eyes, take five deep breaths and recite this prayer/mantra/sentences until you feel calm and can make a choice:
“God*(replace this or omit it if u like) grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change. The courage to change the things i can not accept and the wisdom to know the difference.”
it is a scientific fact that our minds can not accept contradicting beliefs. we will always choose one over the other, consciously or subconsciously. it has often been said that humans are creatures of habit. i believe this to be true. which is why it is paramount that we develop the correct habits. habits that push us in the direction of where and who we want to be. this includes not only physical habits (exercise, healthy eating, conscious consumerism) but habits pertaining to beliefs and thoughts (meditation, prayer, etc).
the discussion surrounding the topics of faith and fear can be summed up into two, marvelous words: PICK ONE.
i think we all know which one we SHOULD pick, right? (the answer is faith…those of you who said fear…stop playin)
FAITH! because faith is what will push us forward in moments of extreme doubt, anxiety and uncertainty. faith fuels hope. faith is what fuels the fire of action and belief in ourselves. when we lead with faith, we CHOOSE to believe that no matter what happens there is something bigger at play and everything is working out in divine order, just as it should be. (“she who thinks she can and she who thinks she can’t, are both usually right”)
in moments where we walk through the dark (literally and figuratively) it will be our faith, not our fear that will propel our legs forward. our fear will paralyze us and force us to relinquish all choice, all clarity. we will default to the dark and instead of facing the dark with courage, we run into a corner and allow it to consume us. it is in the dark that our clarity and light must shine through the brightest. it is in the dark that we must choose faith, over and over again. many things arise in our “dark” times, and the faith and trust in the moment itself or in a resolution, or god, or divine timing-will many times be what sees you out.
take some time today to ask yourself what you want to let run you. faith or fear. and acknowledge that they can not both exist. your mind will default to one or the other based on habit and conditioning. if you want to change your default, then become conscious of what it is and work mercilessly to get it to align with your highest good. i believe that our highest good is fueled by faith, not fear. so that is why i choose to believe in the good things. that everything will work out, that every choice i make is the right one. because for far too long i have allowed fear to run me and make my decisions. but this is my life, and i am responsible for the choices i make and the principles i allow to influence those choices. choose faith and watch your life and mind expand.
there are infinite possibilities in this universe, the good news is you have a say in the ones you choose.
have any of you ever felt like you woke up in the middle of your life?
i have been living through this for about a year now and it is quite tough to get through. i teeter between excitement to finally feel fully alive in my body and anxiety that i’m late. that somehow or someway i should’ve already done these things, that i wasted so much time.
feelings like this are hard to cope with many times. they can feel immensely overwhelming and are undeniably the building blocks of anxiety because they are rooted in worry. but our job as humans and as owners of these thoughts and feelings is to analyze them, get to the core and figure out what it is we’re really afraid of. what is triggering this fear? this worry? this negativity? some of the things that fuel this fire are the beliefs that we won’t have enough time to do what we want to do or that we will die or that we won’t be able to live the way we want or that we’ll never accomplish our dreams, etc. etc. because of these fears many of us don’t even try!! we don’t even try to live the life of our dreams!! we stay on autopilot because we are afraid to fail… but what we don’t realize is that by choosing not to try, you have already failed and by choosing faith, you can not fail.
our brains can not accept conflicting thoughts. so it is very important that we get to the core and figure out how we truly feel about things. because once we do, we can let go of those that aren’t in line with what we TRULY believe. many times, our opinions/thoughts/beliefs are rooted in the opinions of others or negative beliefs we have about ourselves. it is CRUCIAL that we free ourselves from these things if we are to show up in the world full forced.
so when i have these thoughts that i’m “late” to my own life, i laugh and i check MYSELF. because it is impossible for me to be late to my own life! i’m not living on someone else’s timeline, i’m living on my own! so how can it be, that i’m late? late compared to what? we have to develop a sense of trust, this is vital to creating a comfortable rhythm between you and life. trust is a practice! so start with things that will not disappoint you, the inevitable truths of life. then, trust yourself. trust that everything is happening exactly as it should be, because it is! there are infinite possibilities in the world, infinite “timelines” so to speak. there is a reason why this one is happening and why we are here, now. so BE HERE NOW. accept the moment, this infinite and divine present moment, for it is all we have. the past no longer exists, although effects of it may still linger, it is gone. and it is up to US as responsible, conscious humans to CHECK OURSELVES and put ourselves back on the right path when we stray away. with love, grace, trust and the power of your will, you will become who you want to be. it takes great courage to do so. start now! accept your life for what is has been and what it will be, and BE FREEEEEE MY LOVES, BE FREE!!!!