#24borrowedhours – we create when there’s pain, we create when there’s love

These past few weeks as i have begun this project and a few others, I have begun to feel overwhelmed with joy, angst, sadness and a few other things. I have begun to bring life and consciousness to that feeling inside that feels the most authentic to me. I have begun to given myself the permission to truly be free. I do not believe we are truly free until we have publicly pursued our passions without a care in the world. Publicly pursuing the things you love is the strongest form of self care to exist. Releasing the views and opinions of others liberates you in a way that nothing else can. Until you have done this, you are likely to be living from a looking glass. Watching others who live in the way you would like to, yet obediently staying in your box of expectations. Expectations that are usually placed on us by others. You must decide that you don’t care what others think of you and i dont believe that this can be done lightly. I believe that this must be a complete redirection of vision, a commitment to see yourself from the inside out, not the other way around.

when we feel any type of emotion, we create something. If we feel angry we can possibly create chaos, if we feel sad we may create gloom. We can also create art. Turn our emotions into larger than life abstractions, in an ode to mirror our true selves: larger than life.

24 borrowed hours ~ rhymes and the cosmos

Day 4 ~ anger, suffering, sadness, fear. these are things that unconsciously, we all tend to hold near. we dwell on thoughts that make these things rise, we stand in our pride and don’t abide by the rules of time. that we must let it go by. we can not remain stuck in the same box, we must allow it to flow and just let it all go. look away from the pain, allow it to leave your brain. you don’t need it to stay, not even fo one more day. there is fluidity in this life, don’t resist it just to gain strife. to justify your rampage, will only cause more damage. dearly beloved we are gathered here today, to say all the things you never got a chance to say. to speak your peace and claim your piece of heaven for ur words can give birth to heaven on earth. forgiveness births peace and hatred starves those who need to eat. every action trickles and breaths into every other action, of every other person you meet. we are entertwined you see, like the root system of a tree we communicate even when we have nothing to say. infinitily intelligent energy flows between you and me. comprises the us, the satrdust, the lust and the fuss. cosmic consciousness, erases all nonsense-ness. surrender to creator, letting go is sour now but you’ll thank me later

24 borrowed hours : day 3 : a lesson

we have 24 hours in this beautiful day that we have been given. 24 hours to do anything that we want. what will we do? where will we go? is there something in your life today that you don’t want to do? how can you change that? we must remember that we are not victims of this life, life is not happening at us, it is happening from us. we are creating everything that we see in our world and in our lives. everything begins within the mind, we must be very conscious of the paradigms that we allow to bind our grey matter together. these paradigms will be the foundation for everything that we create in this world, thought included. when and where are you holding yourself back?

yesterday i spent the entire day with my dad. he needed me to go to a doctor’s appointment with him. so i did. we got back around 5 and my entire day was gone, i was feeling a bit frustrated. because i hadn’t had the chance to do my morning routine or accomplish any of the things that i wanted to because i had to go with him. he told me about an hour before i had to leave and so i wasn’t really able to do what i needed to do. then when we got back i tried to start doing something for myself and went to my storage unit to continue the process of organizing my things between my van and my storage unit. then he calls me that he went to the hospital because he was feeling tightness in his chest. this has been going on since september when i came back from my journey. i came back because my mom hurt her arm and needed assistance with activities of daily living. so i drove back from north carolina after only a month of living my dream of living in my van and traveling. since then, i’ve been with my dad because he ended up having health and spiritual complications as well. he has been dealing with seemingly endless episodes of anxiety and PTSD. it is hard for me because it sometimes feels like he is allowing himself to become a victim of these things that are happening within his body. i don’t want anyone to be a victim, because we aren’t. things happen to us and then we must get up and learn to move forward.

this becomes a philosophical debate once we get deeper into this and begin to discuss things such as abuse, assault, etc. although these things become increasingly harder to deal with when they happen to us – and through the lens of our minds they are horrible things. through the lens of the cosmos, these are things that happen as a result of something else. abuse happens all the time and in no way is it okay. however, it is not the abuse-ees fault, the responsibility lie on the abuse-er. he/she MUST take responsibility for their actions and how they have negatively affected this other person. they will spend lifetimes doing this, until they learn how to coexist with the rest of the universe in peace. however, due to the law of cause and effect- the abuse-er has now given the abuse-ee a gift that they did not want; something to work through- “trauma”. it now becomes the responsibility of the abuse-ee to work through and deal with the thing that has happened to them. no matter how horrible the event is judged to be, this is still true. the abuse-ee can not force the abuse-er to become conscious, to repent, etc. nor can they go back in time. so now, as the laws of the universe state- we must learn to move forward. we must deal with the cards we have been dealt and continue to move forward with our lives, consciously creating the life that we have always dreamed of.

the concept of victimization is a tough one because it can make some people feel like you are diminishing what they are going through. which is in NO way true!!! the things we undergo in this life are HARD!! 100%!!! HOWEVER- this does NOT mean that you are not strong enough to overcome ANYTHING and still live a prosperous, happy and love filled life. this simply means that you have to shift your thinking and take responsibility for your life and what has happened and is happening in it every single day. no one else can make your life better or worse, EVERYTHING comes from you!! every. single. thing. if you feel your life isn’t where you want it to be, it’s not because of Velma, it’s because of you. don’t let Velma have control of your life! like who the fuck is Velma????

my beautiful internet friends, we are powerful beyond measure. and while there are some fucked up things that happen in this world and that we have to learn to move on from- YOU CAN DO IT. you would not be on this earth if you couldn’t. this is what my last #24borrowedhours have taught me. we must embody this principle and teach it to others, because while it is daunting- it is also empowering as fuck to know that you are not a victim of this life, but the creator of it. YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR FATE, YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR SOUL. I LOVE U!!

lady soi

living off 24 borrowed hours : a series

DAY 2~ so this project is truly meant to inspire me more than anything, inspire me to become conscious of what i do during my 24 hours. and always to remind me that they are borrowed. i am here exchanging something with this life, with our creator, with my soul~who knows. but i know that i am getting something so beautiful in return. i am getting the gift of the human experience. and sometimes this makes me anxious. because i want what i give back to be as impactful and amazing as what life gives me everyday. there’s so much for me to overcome to get there. but is there? is there reaaaally? because more and more i’m thinking that maybe life just wants me to do something, anything. to make choices, to be alive. maybe i don’t have to become this larger than life person in society. maybe what matters is how i live my individual life. that i follow my heart, lead with faith, and am honest person, etc. i know this is true. i hear it in the simplicity of the everyday rhythms of life. rhythms that are seemingly complex, but innately simple. they flow with the rhythm of life and something tells me that there is no effort there. the wind just blows, squirrels eat acorns and birds fly. so what do i do? that’s what i need to figure out. i don’t think i need to set out to become the most impactful person this planet has ever experienced, because well, that’s a lot. very overwhelming. i believe self-knowledge to be my gift to life. in return for all she gives me. i will get to know the whispers of my soul and move in this life with integrity, as someone who knows themselves. as someone who listens to their soul and works everyday to be more herself. that’s what i want to give to life and that’s what i want to give to the world. i want to go into the darkest corners of myself and turn on the lights. so that the whole world may see this, and together we can light the world up. operation atomiK light.

lady soi